Dax123
Commander
[ss:NX-01]
Posts: 1,207
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Jokes
Feb 27, 2010 15:37:52 GMT -6
Post by Dax123 on Feb 27, 2010 15:37:52 GMT -6
Haha very funny Atoz!!!! Here's one I like: Man: Doctor, Doctor! I think i have a phoebia! Doctor: What are you afraid of? Man: I'm afraid of my mind wandering!!! Doctor: Why? Man: because i'm afraid it'll never come back.....
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Atoz 77
Vice Admiral
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Posts: 4,065
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Jokes
Mar 5, 2010 8:39:46 GMT -6
Post by Atoz 77 on Mar 5, 2010 8:39:46 GMT -6
If you think about it, the very worst time to have a heart attack is while you're playing charades.
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Atoz 77
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Jun 18, 2010 8:03:02 GMT -6
Post by Atoz 77 on Jun 18, 2010 8:03:02 GMT -6
Scientists have recently discovered a new element they have called Governmentium. Each atom has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 deputy assistant neutrons, all surrounded by a vast cloud of particles known as morons. Having no electrons, Governmentium is inert, but can be detected because it impedes the progress of any reaction. A chemical reaction that normally takes only a second can, in the presence of Governmentium, take up to four years. Governmentium has a half-life of from 2 to 6 years, but it does not decay. Instead in undergoes reorganization, during which a number of assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons switch places. In fact, Governmentium becomes more massive as time goes on, since with every reorganization, a number of morons become neutrons, resulting in isodopes.
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Atoz 77
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Jun 25, 2010 8:25:36 GMT -6
Post by Atoz 77 on Jun 25, 2010 8:25:36 GMT -6
News of the Weird by Chuck Shepherd
A British tennis player, fed up with being called the "World's Worst Tennis Pro" by the London Daily Telegraph, sued the newspaper for libel. The judge, swayed by testimony that the man had lost 54 consecutive international matches in straight sets, threw out the lawsuit. The Telegraph was humble in victory. In ran a story about the outcome of the case, titled, "World's Worst Tennis Pro Loses Again."
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Luke
Commander
[ss:Cool Blue]
Posts: 1,087
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Jokes
Jun 30, 2010 11:42:56 GMT -6
Post by Luke on Jun 30, 2010 11:42:56 GMT -6
If one synchronized swimmer drowned, would they all drown?
When the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
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Atoz 77
Vice Admiral
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Jul 9, 2010 8:09:24 GMT -6
Post by Atoz 77 on Jul 9, 2010 8:09:24 GMT -6
Two mimes are walking down the street. One of them says nothing. The other says nothing in reply.
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shakfar
Lt. Commander
[ss:Cloak]
Posts: 582
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Jokes
Jul 13, 2010 16:02:47 GMT -6
Post by shakfar on Jul 13, 2010 16:02:47 GMT -6
lol so instead of a joke dose anyone mind if i post a really funny vidio?
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Arkroyal
Lt. Commander
I'm a historian, not an engineer![ss:Federation]
Posts: 440
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Jokes
Jul 14, 2010 4:20:50 GMT -6
Post by Arkroyal on Jul 14, 2010 4:20:50 GMT -6
No, go right ahead.
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Luke
Commander
[ss:Cool Blue]
Posts: 1,087
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Jokes
Jul 14, 2010 11:40:02 GMT -6
Post by Luke on Jul 14, 2010 11:40:02 GMT -6
Make sure its clean though. (Dax 123 is only thirteen.)
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Atoz 77
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Sept 20, 2010 7:46:21 GMT -6
Post by Atoz 77 on Sept 20, 2010 7:46:21 GMT -6
This was taken from the FAQs section of an Australian tourism website:
Q: Does it ever rain in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the streets? A: It depends on how much you've been drinking.
Q: Can you give me any information about hippo racing in Australia? A: AFRICA is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. AUSTRALIA is the big island in the middle of the Pacific, which does not... oh, forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday in Kings Cross. Come naked.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places? A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? A: Only at Christmas.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys Choir schedule? A: AUSTRIA is the quaint little country next to Germany... oh forget it. Sure, the Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
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RECK-U-TUS
Cadet
WE ARE THE BORG...G'day[ss:Borg]
Posts: 47
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Jokes
Sept 20, 2010 21:35:16 GMT -6
Post by RECK-U-TUS on Sept 20, 2010 21:35:16 GMT -6
burglars stole the toilets at the local police station.....police have nothing to go on
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Luke
Commander
[ss:Cool Blue]
Posts: 1,087
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Jokes
Jan 19, 2011 12:20:24 GMT -6
Post by Luke on Jan 19, 2011 12:20:24 GMT -6
True fact: Charlie Chaplin once entered a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest and didn't even make the finals.
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Atoz 77
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Jan 21, 2011 8:51:41 GMT -6
Post by Atoz 77 on Jan 21, 2011 8:51:41 GMT -6
Notice: The Low Self-Esteem Workshop will meet this Wednesday evening. Please use the back door.
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Luke
Commander
[ss:Cool Blue]
Posts: 1,087
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Jokes
Jan 26, 2011 12:17:49 GMT -6
Post by Luke on Jan 26, 2011 12:17:49 GMT -6
Weight WAtchers support group mets Thursday evenings at 8. Please use double doors at the side of the building.
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Atoz 77
Vice Admiral
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Jokes
Nov 21, 2011 8:36:12 GMT -6
Post by Atoz 77 on Nov 21, 2011 8:36:12 GMT -6
The U.S. Geological Survey determined the epicenter of the recent East Coast quake was in a graveyard just outside Washington D.C. The cause appears to have been all the Founding Fathers rolling over in their graves at the same time. (Phil Proctor)
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