Lady
Ensign
[ss:Federation]
Posts: 69
|
Jokes
Dec 15, 2009 12:38:42 GMT -6
Post by Lady on Dec 15, 2009 12:38:42 GMT -6
Submit any sort of jokes as long as they are clean ones.
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now & we don't know where the hell she is!
|
|
Melody
Lieutenant
I am a half Quincy half demon[ss:Federation]
Posts: 306
|
Jokes
Dec 17, 2009 4:28:07 GMT -6
Post by Melody on Dec 17, 2009 4:28:07 GMT -6
A man walks in with a Goat, they both have a few to drink. The man gets up and is about to leave whent he barman says, "Hay mate you can't leave that laying there" The man looks at the goat and says, "That's not a loin that's a Goat" and walks out.
|
|
|
Jokes
Dec 17, 2009 5:02:38 GMT -6
Post by macawol on Dec 17, 2009 5:02:38 GMT -6
Why did the Romulan fall?
I shot him.
(Klingon jokes are mostly about killing, dismemberment, blood, and sex (but I won't write any of the latter))
|
|
Atoz 77
Vice Admiral
[M:0]
[ss:Insurrection]
Posts: 4,065
|
Jokes
Dec 17, 2009 8:46:50 GMT -6
Post by Atoz 77 on Dec 17, 2009 8:46:50 GMT -6
[You may not have noticed, but "I Just Flew Back from Risa..." is also a joke thread, although oriented more towards Star Trek jokes.]
A policeman noticed a car weaving in and out in traffic and pulled it over. He found the back seat was crammed with penguins. "What do you think you're doing!" he demanded as he wrote out a ticket. "All these animals are blocking your view! Take them to the zoo!"
A couple of days later, he saw the same car weaving back and forth, and he pulled it over again. There were still penguins in the seat, only this time they were wearing sunglasses. "Didn't I tell you to take these penguins to the zoo?"
"I did," said the motorist. "Today I'm taking them to the beach."
|
|
Lady
Ensign
[ss:Federation]
Posts: 69
|
Jokes
Jan 6, 2010 14:48:57 GMT -6
Post by Lady on Jan 6, 2010 14:48:57 GMT -6
Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the carpet should come forward and do so.
|
|
Atoz 77
Vice Admiral
[M:0]
[ss:Insurrection]
Posts: 4,065
|
Jokes
Jan 11, 2010 9:49:18 GMT -6
Post by Atoz 77 on Jan 11, 2010 9:49:18 GMT -6
A Roman warship is sailing on the sea. The centurion comes down belowdecks to where the slaves are chained to the oars. "Well, men, I have good news and bad news. The good news is that we will not be facing the Macedonian pirates in battle this afternoon."
The men raise a cheer. "The bad news," the centurion continued, "is that Commander Gaius wishes to go water skiing."
|
|
Atoz 77
Vice Admiral
[M:0]
[ss:Insurrection]
Posts: 4,065
|
Jokes
Jan 19, 2010 8:47:21 GMT -6
Post by Atoz 77 on Jan 19, 2010 8:47:21 GMT -6
"Unlike communism, democracy is not about having just one ineffective political party, it's about having TWO ineffective political parties." --- Johnny Carson
|
|
|
Jokes
Feb 8, 2010 21:07:46 GMT -6
Post by Grandtheftcow on Feb 8, 2010 21:07:46 GMT -6
I always knew clean jokes were never as funny as real jokes. This thread proves it.
|
|
|
Jokes
Feb 8, 2010 22:21:06 GMT -6
Post by andrewlee on Feb 8, 2010 22:21:06 GMT -6
"Unlike communism, democracy is not about having just one ineffective political party, it's about having TWO ineffective political parties." --- Johnny Carson How very true! Could you imagine a Beavis and Butt headed Hydra...the serpent with many heads from mythology. lol
|
|
shakfar
Lt. Commander
[ss:Cloak]
Posts: 582
|
Jokes
Feb 11, 2010 8:18:47 GMT -6
Post by shakfar on Feb 11, 2010 8:18:47 GMT -6
My grandpa died in a concentration camp... he fell off of his lookout tower
|
|
Atoz 77
Vice Admiral
[M:0]
[ss:Insurrection]
Posts: 4,065
|
Jokes
Feb 12, 2010 10:27:33 GMT -6
Post by Atoz 77 on Feb 12, 2010 10:27:33 GMT -6
I always knew clean jokes were never as funny as real jokes. This thread proves it. Be that as it may, this forum does not have an age limit. We have members as young as 13, so we ask that all jokes be kept clean. *** A woman started a new diet recommended by her friend -- "Eat normally two days, skip a day. Then repeat." The next time she met her friend, she had lost twenty pounds. "That diet must be working!" "I'll say! Mind you, I thought I was going to die that third day." "From hunger, you mean?" "No, from all that skipping!"
|
|
Lady
Ensign
[ss:Federation]
Posts: 69
|
Jokes
Feb 13, 2010 17:40:11 GMT -6
Post by Lady on Feb 13, 2010 17:40:11 GMT -6
Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline. If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5, and 6. If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call. If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will transferred to the mother ship. If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press. If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer. If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until someone comes on the line. If you are dyslexic, press 6969696969. If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name. If you have post-traumatic-stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000. If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep, or before the beep, or after the beep. Please wait for the beep. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you.
|
|
Atoz 77
Vice Admiral
[M:0]
[ss:Insurrection]
Posts: 4,065
|
Jokes
Feb 18, 2010 9:06:26 GMT -6
Post by Atoz 77 on Feb 18, 2010 9:06:26 GMT -6
LOL! I love that one!
Why do pirates have such a hard time learning the alphabet? Because they spend years at C!
|
|
Luke
Commander
[ss:Cool Blue]
Posts: 1,087
|
Jokes
Feb 24, 2010 8:26:38 GMT -6
Post by Luke on Feb 24, 2010 8:26:38 GMT -6
Have you ever played Transendental Hide and Seek? You count to a hundred and then find yourself.
|
|
Atoz 77
Vice Admiral
[M:0]
[ss:Insurrection]
Posts: 4,065
|
Jokes
Feb 26, 2010 9:12:36 GMT -6
Post by Atoz 77 on Feb 26, 2010 9:12:36 GMT -6
Church bulletin:
The Prayer and Fasting Conference is next month. Price for attending includes meals.
Ladies don't forget the rummage sale this Saturday. This is a good chance to get rid of things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.
The Peace Keepers meeting scheduled for today has been postponed due to a conflict.
For those who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
The Rector will preach his farewell sermon this evening, after which the choir will lead the congregation in singing, "Break Forth Into Joy."
The bean supper will be held Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
|
|