Post by Atoz 77 on Oct 10, 2017 7:52:25 GMT -6
I know I'm a few years late with this, but I just got around to seeing this movie. Anyway, I started watching it and I was amazed! It was like one of those old B-movies that are so BAD, you keep watching in a sort of horrified fascination, wondering if it can possibly get any dumber.
Take the opening scene. It made no sense to use a shuttlecraft when they could have loaded Spock's gizmo into a probe and launched it that way. Or just beamed it into the heart of the volcano. But of course that wouldn't have given them an excuse to have the cable dramatically snap and plunge Spock into the caldera! But it made absolutely no sense to hide the Enterprise UNDERWATER! How did they land it without being seen by the natives, and how did think they were going to get it out again? That was just plain stupid.
Incredibly, the entire movie was like that -- ridiculous plot twists with the occasional random "character" scenes that I guess were supposed to remind us of the original series. I kept watching it and thinking, "Okay, even in the worst movie, the plot starts to make sense eventually. It has to." But it never did! Not a SINGLE plot twist in the entire movie made any sense! Toward the end, when Spock allows Khan to beam the torpedoes to the Dreadnought I thought, "Uh oh! That actually made SENSE! The movie's perfect record is spoiled!" BUT NO! It turns out he removed the cryogenic pods first! Seriously? The ship is crippled, it's only a matter of minutes before the Dreadnought rearms her phasers and blows the ship to itty bitty pieces, and he takes how many crewmen off the repair work in order to carefully remove SEVENTY-TWO cryogenic canisters (which incidentally no one knows anything about because the technology is outdated) and then arm the warheads? Say three crewmen per pod to get it done as quickly as possible and that's-- Ha-ha-ha-ha! By this time I was busting a gut laughing, thoroughly enjoying it.
If they had only punched up the dialogue a little bit, it would have been the most hilarious Star Trek parody movie ever! It's a shame that Abrams' first Star Trek movie wasn't this bad. It was only so-so, which means it wasn't bad enough to be this entertaining.
Take the opening scene. It made no sense to use a shuttlecraft when they could have loaded Spock's gizmo into a probe and launched it that way. Or just beamed it into the heart of the volcano. But of course that wouldn't have given them an excuse to have the cable dramatically snap and plunge Spock into the caldera! But it made absolutely no sense to hide the Enterprise UNDERWATER! How did they land it without being seen by the natives, and how did think they were going to get it out again? That was just plain stupid.
Incredibly, the entire movie was like that -- ridiculous plot twists with the occasional random "character" scenes that I guess were supposed to remind us of the original series. I kept watching it and thinking, "Okay, even in the worst movie, the plot starts to make sense eventually. It has to." But it never did! Not a SINGLE plot twist in the entire movie made any sense! Toward the end, when Spock allows Khan to beam the torpedoes to the Dreadnought I thought, "Uh oh! That actually made SENSE! The movie's perfect record is spoiled!" BUT NO! It turns out he removed the cryogenic pods first! Seriously? The ship is crippled, it's only a matter of minutes before the Dreadnought rearms her phasers and blows the ship to itty bitty pieces, and he takes how many crewmen off the repair work in order to carefully remove SEVENTY-TWO cryogenic canisters (which incidentally no one knows anything about because the technology is outdated) and then arm the warheads? Say three crewmen per pod to get it done as quickly as possible and that's-- Ha-ha-ha-ha! By this time I was busting a gut laughing, thoroughly enjoying it.
If they had only punched up the dialogue a little bit, it would have been the most hilarious Star Trek parody movie ever! It's a shame that Abrams' first Star Trek movie wasn't this bad. It was only so-so, which means it wasn't bad enough to be this entertaining.