Atoz 77
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Post by Atoz 77 on Jan 11, 2008 9:14:29 GMT -6
Is that good or bad?
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Atoz 77
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Post by Atoz 77 on Jan 22, 2008 8:44:47 GMT -6
How many Starfleet officers does it take to change a light bulb? Five -- a Captain to order a Commander to order a Lieutenant to order an Ensign to order a Cadet to change it.
How many Klingons does it take? At least four. Two warriors (with their seconds) must face each other in mortal combat for the honor of performing the five-hour Rite of Replacement.
How many Vulcans? Trick question. Vulcans would rather use candles than trouble their mathematically perfect brainwaves trying to figure out something as simple as changing a light bulb.
How many Bajorans? How many do the Prophets say it should take?
How many Borg? Lighting is irrelevant. Resistance is futile!
How many Ferengi? None, but he can get you a good deal hiring a Malurian contractor to change it for you cheap.
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Atoz 77
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Post by Atoz 77 on Feb 8, 2008 9:19:10 GMT -6
How many ship's counsellors would it take? Let's talk about how sitting in the dark makes you feel...
How many Elasians? Changing lightbulbs is for mechanics and menials.
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Baggy52
Commander
Where am I? WHEN AM I?!?[ss:Solar Flare]
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Post by Baggy52 on Feb 25, 2008 16:39:17 GMT -6
How many Holograms? Four One to complain being forced to work One to fight for holographic rights One to champion how superior holograms are to humans And one to change the bulb
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Atoz 77
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Post by Atoz 77 on Apr 7, 2008 7:45:04 GMT -6
(This isn't a Star Trek joke, so I'll forgo the extra points this time. It's something I found in George Carlin's book "Brain Droppings")
"If a picture is worth ten thousand words, then one twenty-five-hundredth of a picture should be worth four words.
And if Helen of Troy had the face that launched a thousand ships, and a picture is worth ten thousand words, doesn't that mean one picture of Helen's face should be worth ten million ships?
And if the night has a thousand eyes, and getting there is half the fun, that means to have fun getting there at night would require five hundred eyes.
And if getting there is half the fun, and half a loaf is better than none, would getting halfway there with a whole loaf be more or less fun?
And if half a loaf is better than none, the night has a thousand eyes, a picture is worth ten thousand words, getting there is half the fun, and Helen of Troy had the face that launched a thousand ships, then in a picture taken at night from a ship that is halfway there, how much fun would Helen be having if she were holding half a loaf? And could you see it in her eyes?"
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Luke
Commander
[ss:Cool Blue]
Posts: 1,087
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Post by Luke on Apr 11, 2008 10:23:19 GMT -6
A new and inexperienced diplomat was attending a trade conference, along with her husband, in a hotel on Cardassian Prime. As they were unpacking, she became concerned that it would be just like the Cardassians to install a surveillance device in their room. Her husband pointed out that since she was only a junior attache, they weren't carrying any vital diplomatic secrets, but she insisted that this was her first big mission and she wasn't about to mess it up. So together they searched the entire room. Sure enough, under the bed they found a round metallic object fixed to a metal plate and bolted to the floor. After a great deal of effort, they managed to undo the bolts, take the object out in the corridor, and drop it in a garbage disposal.
Next morning, when they went downstairs to the conference, the desk clerk asked them if they'd had a pleasant night. When they said they had, he sighed, "Thank goodness for that! I'm afraid I can't say the same for the couple in the room directly underneath yours. It seems that in the middle of the night, their chandelier fell on them!"
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Atoz 77
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Post by Atoz 77 on Apr 14, 2008 7:32:09 GMT -6
LOL That was good. I like that.
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Atoz 77
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Post by Atoz 77 on Jun 30, 2008 8:48:24 GMT -6
A group of medical interns were making the rounds with an instructor. "The patient presented with a severe limp. As you can see from the X-rays, the left fibula and tibia are both radically arched." She then turned inerringly to the student who had been paying the least attention. "Johnson, what would you do in this case?"
"Well, ma'am," he replied. "I suppose I'd probably limp, too."
***
"Doctor! Doctor! I keep seeing spots before my eyes!"
The doctor scratches his head. "Have you seen an opthalmologist?"
"No, just spots!"
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Post by andrewlee on Jul 2, 2008 19:11:12 GMT -6
Atoz.....your just too funny!! lol I like and write jokes and satire as well. Would a Klingon ships plumber be named "KLOG" When cap Picard after he uses the restroom say "engage" or "make it so" ? to flush the ...........
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Atoz 77
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Post by Atoz 77 on Jul 3, 2008 8:10:05 GMT -6
LOL!
***
Crewman: "You've got to help me! I can't stop thinking I'm a deck of cards!" Ship's Counsellor: "Take a seat; I'll deal with you later!"
Crewman: "You've got to help me! I can't stop thinking I'm a set of drapes!" Ship's Counsellor: "Pull yourself together!"
Crewman: "You've got to help me! Yesterday I thought I was canvas awning. Today I think I'm a tepee!" Ship's Counsellor: "Calm down! You're just two tents!"
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Post by andrewlee on Jul 3, 2008 8:35:52 GMT -6
Atoz.....lolololol.....your too funny. Its early right now. I will post some of my jokes later after I have Had some more COFFEE!!!!!!!!!!!.....have to brew it , have no replicator
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LeopardessGirl
Commander
Go Boldly Go Bravely, Go With Me. I Will Take You To My Home.[ss:Insurrection]
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Post by LeopardessGirl on Jul 4, 2008 14:16:30 GMT -6
*lol* I Love Humor! MMMmmmmmmmmm Theres No Substitute For Actual Coffee! As Here On Torra We Still Brew Our Own Coffee, Even Though We Can Actually Replicate It, Yes We Have All Types Of Food And Beverage Replicators! But We Like Youre Earth Columbian, French And Hazelnut Coffee's! As Were Importing It To Our Planet! **Getts Some Going-Ahhhh Columbian Supremo!
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Post by andrewlee on Jul 4, 2008 15:58:19 GMT -6
Here are some jokes for everybody........
What do you call a lawyer in king Aurthur's court?............... ..........."Sir lies alot"
Why do pirates always say ARRRRRRRGGG!!....they are very constipated!!!
In casinos they should have the "Clint Eastwood/Dirty Harry" slot machine that says to you..."Do you feel lucky punk?"
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Post by andrewlee on Jul 4, 2008 22:11:42 GMT -6
Here is a funny poem about a car breaking down I wrote a few years ago.....I call it ....."Twas the day after the warranty expired"
I was driving down the highway when there arose such a clatter. I stopped, raised the hood, to see what was the matter. Oil was spraying all over the place. It spattered my clothes, not to mention my face. And as I was sighing, my fan belt went flying. Then the radiator sprung a leak. I realized my automotive troubles were deep. Its not wise to buy parts made so cheap. When the engine began to fly apart. I knew to stick around would not be smart. So in a hurry, I ran down the road. For transportation, I needed another mode.
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Post by andrewlee on Jul 4, 2008 22:37:08 GMT -6
Here are some funny names for foods that the replicators might no recegnize...........rack of spam....the compost burger.... and the Klingon garden burger......deep dish gaghg (sorry I can't spell it!).........road apple cobbler....rotissery of road kill... Roasted ram rectum.....and for desert...comode Ali mode....and an outside in, down side up cake...bon appetite!!!!!!
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