Atoz 77
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Post by Atoz 77 on Feb 16, 2009 8:59:23 GMT -6
I was flying back from Risa, when I discovered that my luggage had been stolen by Ferengi. At least you didn't book your flight through the cut-rate travel agency I used once. To save money, they hired Klingons as booking agents-- "Silence, dog! You WILL go by way of Tarsus IV!"
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Post by andrewlee on Feb 16, 2009 13:56:13 GMT -6
Atoz, lol. I will take your advice about not traveling with the Klingons. Those pesky thieving Ferengi were bad enough to take my luggage, which I eventually did recover. The Ferengi are in the brig of my ship now and are being taken to the nearest Star Base to stand trial for theft!! I don't think they will ever learn! They are just too greedy!! lol
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Atoz 77
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Post by Atoz 77 on Feb 20, 2009 9:02:24 GMT -6
You also might avoid any space line that hires Horta as baggage handlers. They don't have hands, so all they can do is throw your luggage into a pile and push it into the cargo hold! And that acid-based saliva of theirs is impossible to wash out of your clothes. Yuck!
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Post by andrewlee on Feb 21, 2009 12:58:34 GMT -6
Atoz about the Horta luggage handlers.... thanks for the tip!!
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Atoz 77
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Post by Atoz 77 on May 1, 2009 8:18:03 GMT -6
I was just looking over the Performance Reviews of recent Starfleet cadets...
"We have a problem with Cadet Mary. She insists upon bringing her lamb to class, which is against the rule."
"Cadet Jack shows great nimbleness and quickness in Phys Ed. Especially adept at jumping over candlesticks."
"After many requests, Cadet Samson has finally got his hair cut. However, he has been failing Phys Ed ever since."
"Cadet Joshua is doing well in the horn section of the Academy orchestra. However, we can no longer tolerate him blowing down the walls."
"Whenever Cadet Arne Saknussem is asked to go down into the maintenance conduits, he has the bad habit of carving his name into the bulkheads, so he won't get lost."
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Post by andrewlee on May 1, 2009 8:47:22 GMT -6
LOL Atoz.
I replicated my cake and had it too! ;D
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Atoz 77
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Post by Atoz 77 on May 19, 2009 8:03:05 GMT -6
"Cadet Atlas likes colorful uniforms, but acts as if he has the weight of the whole world on his shoulders."
"Cadet Hulk does not take criticism well. Suggest he enroll in an Anger Management class."
"Cadet Darth Vader wears black all the time, and tends to look at the dark side. It is also difficult to understand him with that helmet he insists on wearing."
"Cadet Marie Antoinette tends to lose her head in tense social situations."
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Varel
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Post by Varel on May 19, 2009 17:21:17 GMT -6
ROFL.... hey guys these are so funny
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Atoz 77
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Post by Atoz 77 on May 22, 2009 8:07:41 GMT -6
Worf: "Captain, the Ferengi have somehow stolen every toilet seat on the Enterprise!"
Picard: "I want them apprehended at once! Use every resource! Track down every possible clue!"
Worf: "That will be difficult, sir. We have nothing to go on."
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Post by andrewlee on May 22, 2009 8:23:57 GMT -6
Those greedy Ferengi will no doubt sell those "Star Flee issue toilet seats after they have been plated with a very thin layer of latinum for at least a dozen times what they are worth. At least they can replicate new toilet seats later on! ;D
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Post by trelane on May 22, 2009 9:41:26 GMT -6
LOL Atoz. I replicated my cake and had it too! ;D LOL - that's the new phrase for the future instead of "have my cake and eat it too."
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Post by andrewlee on May 22, 2009 11:08:06 GMT -6
Just give me some time and I can re-work all those retarded figures of speech/idioms into something Star Trek related!!! ;D "Never look a gift "Orion Slave Girl" in the mouth!! Use your imagination on this one because I'm not going to go there! ;D "Never look a Klingon gift Targ in the mouth" The Klingons will be insulted and you will most likely be on your journey to "Stobel Korr" !! ;D "As easy as replicated pie" Much more later!! ;D
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Atoz 77
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Post by Atoz 77 on Jul 18, 2009 7:44:14 GMT -6
Can't afford a vacation on Risa this year? No problem! Simulate one!
1. Pack your luggage as if going on a trip. Then toss one random suitcase in a dumpster, to simulate it being destroyed/eaten by underpaid Malurian baggage handlers. 2. Duplicate inevitable spaceport delay by wasting four hours at a convenience store. 3. Listen to sound effects CD of construction work at high volume for five hours, as if the space line had sat you next to a bickering Ferengi family with a screaming infant. 4. Sit on the curb outside your house for 90 minutes, because your lodging chamber isn't ready yet. 5. Toss your remaining luggage in the bathtub and soak it good, to simulate that you arrived on the one day out of the year when Risa's weather control system is turned off for maintenance. 6. First night of your vacation, take a five mile walk instead of eating dinner, because you got lost trying to find the hotel dining room. 7. Set your alarm for 5 a.m. to receive the wake up call intended for the lodging chamber next to yours. Have someone knock on the door every half hour bellowing, "Housekeeping!" in a Klingon accent. 8. Turn off the air conditioning, and call an imaginary desk clerk who never sends a maintenance man. 9. Remain in bed most of the second day because of third degree sunburn received after falling asleep on the beach on the first day. 10. For the full tropical experience, dump two liters of sand in your bed. 11. Eat at a strange restaurant, but grunt and point at the menu as if the native waiters are unable to understand a word you say. 12. Remain in hiding most of the third day because the cute young chick you thought was looking for jamaharan was actually a Denobulan transvestite with three extremely jealous wives. 13. Spend most of your time on the Internet, telling all your friends what a GREAT time you're having!
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Atoz 77
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Post by Atoz 77 on Jul 24, 2009 8:39:50 GMT -6
Worf gets a call from the ship's classroom monitor. "Sir, we had to suspend Alexander from using the recreation facilities for making wee wee in the swimming pool."
Steam literally boils out of Worf's ears. "How do you know it was Alexander? Just because he is Klingon--? This is--!"
"Sir, he was standing on the diving board at the time."
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Post by macawol on Jul 26, 2009 15:34:17 GMT -6
A Klingon joke:
Q: How do you make a Ferengi scream twice?
A: First you show him the Mek'leth. Then you use the Mek'leth.
Another one Klingon joke:
Q: What do you do when a Ferengi brags about his lobes for business?
A: You show them to him.
And yet another one Klingon joke:
Q: Why did the Romulan cross the road?
A: Because I was chasing him.
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